thatsherlife

Thoughts

2012-01-19T09:56:00.000-08:00

These days, my thoughts were raw.

I reflected upon myself very much, though the roots of these reflections were of me viewing others first.

Then, I thought, hey, why am I doing this?

I've discovered many new and old shortcomings of mine.

Im not trying to gain sympathy, mind you.

Im just honestly feeling that way.

One of my reoccurring thoughts:

People really only talk to me only when they need me.

Otherwise, i am rarely on their mind or rather, thoughts..

Its more of a,

"Hey, we should rope her in too. Uhm, cause we always do that? "

"Oh yeah hor(a sudden flying thought), we should ask her too."

I feel sad. Really.

I felt as if I was only visible when they needed help, be it work or personal.

I mean, im not those crazy bitch that wants everyone to 24/7 give me a

"Hey blahblahblah"

thing, but i'll appreciate it if you dont out of the blue give me a

"Hey"

on msn or whatever and suddenly the next line is

"Can you help me ..."

I never mind helping. But honestly, dont make it that obvious can?

Never a true conversation on msn before, and suddenly your name pops up.

I guessed 80% of what people were gonna say.

Im only human, i get tired too.

Dont ever make the mistake of thinking im superwoman.

Because im not.

I know everyone thinks its ok.

Yeah well sometimes, its not ok.

I just hope people understand that im human, I have feelings, and yeah, well, they're hurt.

I was never the hero riding on the horse.

Im just a damsel in distress that nobody notices.

Why?

Because there's another damsel that actually weeps and cries on the road, and anyone passing by will always lend a hand or give a smile. Some go to the extend of giving her shelter and light.

And me?

Tearing in a corner, fearing of shocked looks, yet craving the warmth.

Then will I slap myself awake and walk to town alone.

The one crying the loudest may not be the saddest.

The one smiling the biggest may not be the happiest.

DO NOT SYMPATHIZE WITH ME.

Just understand.

Understand that my inner self is not what I make it out to be.

AND DO NOT THINK THAT I AM DISSING THE 'DAMSEL'

I am not digging into the reasons behind the tears.

I am not saying she did it on purpose.

I am just saying it as a fact.

It did happen.

2011-12-20T07:41:00.000-08:00

Sometimes, I wonder why people are so different.

You could have that selfless, forgiving, never complaining girl over there, even through the hardest of times, not a word of refusal was given.

And yet, there can be some people that are always thinking of their own interests, never giving an extra thought for another person.

The third type of people, are right in the middle of these two.

They might not want to harm people, but they will never really put their heart and soul into helping others either.

Its Christmas, the season of giving.

Hoping for some miracles these days (:

All my friends & family, I love all of you!

2011-12-07T23:13:00.000-08:00

Some people just cannot be trusted when it comes to academics.

Actually, some people cant be trusted at all sometimes.

2011-12-07T05:00:00.001-08:00

Oh well, what's new?

Not that I didnt know all of these before.

Just shut up and work I guess.

2011-12-05T00:59:00.000-08:00

I wish things are as simple as learning the ABC.

But no. Things were never simple.

I'll never be able to lead a perfect life, making perfect decisions.

But hey, i tried.

I always believe in trying.

"The only real failure in life is the failure to try." - Anonymous

I tried to make things right. I tried to make things okay, bearable.

Some worked, some backfired.

But still, i can confidently say i tried, and i have no regrets.

Believe it or not, i never meant any of those hurting words, actions even perhaps.

Some are unconsciously done, some for the better.

Maybe it doesnt seem like its a better choice to you, but it does to me.

I never regretted the actions i did, because nothing will be able to change it, or take it back.

I do regret, however, how i wasnt able to make it better at that time.

Things arent going as smoothly as everyone thinks it is.

Believe me, as much of a saint many people think i am, im definitely not.

Saints don't exist. Not in this life.

2011-11-15T03:52:00.000-08:00

Remember when we always had composition writings, and the topic was

"The hardest decision in your life."

I always had ZERO idea on what to write about.

When i came across that topic, i'll just write it off with choosing between Express/NA classes.

(Yeah, i know, lame. LOL.)

But, now, i feel as if all the topics would be about love, relationships, and heartbreaks.

"Choosing between two people."

My world has definitely changed.

For better, for worse? Not my place to judge.

But i think that this is so cliché. Honestly.

Love shouldnt be so hard to identify when you're head over heels over someone.

If there is any reason for you to hesitate at all, i guess it means you dont really feel very strongly for either person.

But hey, who am i to judge?

HAHA.

Never been in a relationship before, but yet so much to talk about. Hah!

But, oh well.

With a pinch of salt ^^

Btw, IMISSYOU&EVERYTHINGELSE.

Kthere. Bai.

2011-11-09T09:31:00.000-08:00

Things i learnt today:

1. Being someone that looks, feels, seems innocent, gets alot of perks. People never assume you did anything wrong, or anything bad. Never. Even if you really did, blame never falls on your head. People only sees what you dont have, and all the holes and scars on your body.

And whats it to me? People are superficial. They only see skin deep.

2. I keep opening spaces for people to throw knifes into.

3. I need to stop that ^

2011-10-31T04:12:00.001-07:00

Its been a long while.

Things happened, situations occurred.

Many many different things. Dont know how i got over them, but yeah, i just did.

Well, many people say life sucks, but hey, to me, its just that simple:

You cant change it.

So well, live with it.

Shit happens, all the time.

But whats important is getting over that last obstacle.

But nobody's life is perfect.

Yes, you can envy, and probably will, that girl/guy that never seems to have any worries.

I always do!

That girl seems to be perfect, always happy, always beautiful.

But stop, and think:

How do you know that she doesnt have any problems either?

She may have came from a broken family, struggling her way up to happiness, or she may be suffering from depression, putting on a different mask each day.

Im not saying this cause i dont sympathize with people's situations, or not being sensitive to their feelings.

Thing is, i have been in situations that fucked my life up.

Its only the way that you try to pick yourself up after every fall.

Its not that past that was perfect, it was only the beautiful future after the clouds you cannot see.

Dont beat yourself down, because you know things will worsen after that.

Put that energy, and gather it, instead, to build a better rainbow after the terrible rainstorm.

Nobody said it was easy, but other than saying "I cant.", how about saying "I'll try."?

Dont live in the past, as an unforgettable shadow.

Live for the future, as a proud, bright light.

2011-10-05T08:12:00.000-07:00

아 직 그대 속상한 맘에 날 조금 미워해도 괜찮아요.

2011-09-18T10:56:00.000-07:00

I've had it with people that come into my life, get close to me, get close to my friends, then ditch me for my friends.

Humans just cant be that fucked up.

2011-09-16T07:08:00.000-07:00

Nothing personal. But you should really get a grip on your own emotions.

Mine are engulfing me already, no time to bother too much about yours.

2011-09-08T04:59:00.000-07:00

Sometimes i wonder.

What are you thinking..?

So hard to understand a person.

I wanna be able to know you enough to be able to know what you're thinking, the meaning of your actions and words and thoughts.

But i guess im not there yet.

Maybe, one day, I'll be able to.

No promises, but i will try. (:

2011-08-23T08:53:00.000-07:00

EMOTIONS.

HAHAH.

2011-07-31T04:00:00.000-07:00

I shall lie low, keep mum.

Just because i think i should.

I dont want to become a burden to people.

I dont want to let people think that i am a pain.

Words can pierce my heart more than a sword can.

2011-07-15T09:40:00.001-07:00

I will not say i know how it feels to be in the darkness, blinded by the light of others.

Because i dont.

Im not always in the limelight. But im not always in the shadows either.

I am grateful whenever i am in the limelight, but i dont resent the light source when i am covered by them either.

But i will admit. I have been in the limelight more often than you. I have enjoyed the smiles of others. But you have had your times as well.

My heart did not feel good, yes. But it lasted only for well, say a few minutes, or at maximum, an hour.

But i never stole your limelight from you when you where in it. I created my own.

You were different. You diverted the light from me, to you. To push me out. And that, is not what i would have done.

I will never sacrifice another friend for the pure word of 'fame' or 'popularity'.

2011-07-15T09:25:00.000-07:00

I talk to alot of people.

I advise alot of people.

But sometimes, people feels offended with my advice.

Ohwell. At least i know who will listen to me with a calm mind before responding with their views and who will respond before reading my words.

2011-06-26T08:03:00.000-07:00

Im fucking sick and fucking tired of people thinking im invincible.

Thinking im the girl that should be there for everyone else.

Thinking im the girl that will be allright after every fall.

Thinking im the girl that was supposed to be a guy.

Thinking im the girl that will do everything perfect.

Thinking im the girl that doesnt need any help.

Thinking im the girl that wont break down.

Thinking im the girl that can do anything.

Thinking im the girl thats made of steel.

Thing is, im not.

Im also human.

Those others, that you think needs more help than me, are actually stronger.

Fuck life, cause its unfair. Nothing's fair.

In my ranting mood.

2011-06-25T22:38:00.000-07:00

Telling something i dont know about, is like telling a wall your hyper and 'awesome' story.

And it only makes you guys more hyper, more fun and me, more excluded.

Thanks, so much. (:

So much for thoughtfulness.

2011-06-25T00:49:00.000-07:00

The most deadly weapons are not the weapons made from metal and steel.

Rather, it is the words that comes from our mouths.

2011-06-21T13:17:00.000-07:00

Nobody's Perfect - Jessie J

When I'm nervous I have this thing yeah I talk too much
Sometimes I just can't shut the hell up
It's like I need to tell someone anyone who'll listen
And that's where I seem to fuck up, yeah
I forget about the consequences, for a minute there I lose my senses
And in the heat of the moment my mouth's starts going the words start flowing

But I never meant to hurt you, I know it's time that I learnt to
Treat the people I love like I wanna be loved
This is a lesson learnt , I hate that I let you down and I feel so bad about it
I guess karma comes back around cause now I'm the one that's hurting yeah
And I hate that I made you think that the trust we had is broken
So don't tell me you can't forgive me
Cause nobody's perfect, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, nobodys perfect

If I could turn back the hands of time
I swear I never wanna cross that line
I should of kept it between us but no I went and told the whole world how I feel and oh
So I sit and I realise with these tears falling from my eyes
I gotta change if I wanna keep you forever
Promise that I'm gonna try

But I never meant to hurt you, I know it's time that I learn to
Treat the people I love like I wanna be loved
This is a lesson learnt and I hate that I let you down and I feel so bad about it

I guess karma comes back around cause now I'm the one that's hurting yeah
And I hate that I made you think that the trust we had is broken

So don't tell me you can't forgive me
Cause nobody's perfect, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,nobody's perfect

Im not a saint no not at all, but what I did it wasn't cool
But I swear that I'll never do that again to you
I'm not a saint, no not at all, but what I did it wasn't cool
But I swear that ill never do that again to you.
I hate that I let you down, and I feel so bad about it
I guess karma comes back around cause now I'm the one that's hurting yeah
And I hate that I made you think that that the trust we had is broken
So don't tell me you can't forgive me
Cause nobody's perfect, no,

And I hate that I let you down and I feel so bad about it
I guess karma comes back around and I'm the one that's hurting, yeah
And I hate that I made you think that the trust we had is broken
So don't tell me you can't forgive me
Cause nobody's perfect. yeah yeah
Dont tell me, dont tell me
No,no
You cant forgive
No
Because nobodys perfect
---------------------------------------------------------

Back to December - Taylor Swift

I’m so glad you made time to see me
How’s life, tell me how’s your family
I haven’t seen them in a while
You’ve been good, busier than ever
Small talk, work and the weather
Your guard is up and I know why
Because the last time you saw me
Is still burning in the back of your mind
You gave me roses and I left them there to die

[Chorus]
So this is me swallowing my pride
Standing in front of you saying I'm sorry for that night
And I go back to December all the time.
It turns out freedom ain’t nothing but missing you
Wishing I'd realized what I had when you were mine
I go back to December turn around and make it all right
I go back to December all the time.

These days I haven’t been sleeping
Staying up late playing back myself leaving
When your birthday passed and I didn’t call
Then I think about summer
All the beautiful times I watched you laughing from the passenger side
And realized I loved you in the fall
And then the cold came and the dark days
When fear crept into my mind
You gave me all your love
And all I gave you was goodbye

[Chorus]
So this is me swallowing my pride
Standing in front of you saying I’m sorry for that night
And I go back to December all the time.
It turns out freedom ain’t nothing but missing you
Wishing I realized what I had when you were mine
I go back to December turn around and change my own mind
I go back to December all the time.

I miss your tan skin, your sweet smiles.
So good to me, so right
And how you held me in your arms that September night
The first time you ever saw me cry
Maybe this is wishful thinking
Probably mindless dreaming
If we loved again I swear I’d love you right
I’d go back in time and change it but I can’t
So if the chain is in your door I understand

[Chorus]
But this is me swallowing my pride standing in front of you saying I'm sorry for that night
And I go back to December
It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you
Wishing I'd realized what I had when you were mine
I'd go back to December turn around and make it all right
I'd go back to December turn around and change my own mind
I go back to December all the time
All the time

---------------------------------------------------------

These two songs are so different, yet, they give me the exact feeling, at the same time.

2011-06-21T12:43:00.000-07:00

So, these days, i cant sleep.

Actually, nothing is really bothering me. (Except for that. And i wont call that 'bothering' either.)

I just dont know what im really thinking about.

I mean, i know what im thinking.

I dont know why im thinking about that though.

It happened so long ago.

It passed.

But really, these days i feel so out of...... confidence.

Dont get me wrong.

Im not picking on myself.

I know who i am (:

Just, i sigh alot these days.

I think, why?

And i find no reasons. :l

I just dont know.

This is gonna be a hard period of time for me.

One thing i know - that is still on my mind.

I came to know about things.

Things said in a jokingly manner.

But, it gave me a huge impact.

I thought to myself "Did i really do that? Is that the impression i give people?"

Thats wrong. Even if i really did that, i didnt mean to.

I keep thinking about those sentences.

"Sorry." keeps popping up in my mind.

I want to be in someone's embrace, i want him to tell me "Its okay. Its gonna be okay."

Why does all these attack me all at once?

Whatever.

Emotionless Siumin shall emerge. Until the day normal Siumin thinks shes back.

'I promise that im gonna try.'

(Note to self - fuck that lah. CAN YOU JUST FUCKING FORGET IT.)

2011-06-20T05:59:00.000-07:00

Bruno Mars taught me to do anything for that one person I love

Travis taught me to be generous

Michael Jackson taught me to always love the people around me

The Script taught me how to move on.

Greenday taught me that government's gonna fail someday.

Eminem taught me that life is hard but you can make it through

Taylor Swift taught me not every girl is going to treat me right

30 Seconds to Mars taught me to speak whats on my mind

Music taught me how to live

-hellboymankind(youtube)

Bloody cool and true.

2011-06-20T05:52:00.001-07:00

Its times like these that i feel especially lonely.

2011-06-20T04:49:00.000-07:00

I am crushed.

So this is how disappointment feels like.

Hurts twice as much when i thought i knew.

Sigh.

Maybe life is all that. Hardships and more.

I'll get over the hardships, i'll see the rainbow!

2011-06-16T05:21:00.000-07:00

The moon is so pretty tonight!

Makes me wonder where you are.

SMILESZX. Ü

2011-06-14T06:46:00.000-07:00

WTFBBQWTFBBQWTFBBQWTFBBQWTFBBQWTFBBQWTFBBQWTFBBQWTFBBQWTFBBQ

Just needed to rant.

2011-05-16T08:54:00.000-07:00

I realised something about myself once again!

I dont like people overly paying attention to me.

If you're a guy, and you like me, the best way to get me back interested in you, is to not let me know that i've already caught your attention!

Get it?

Like, if you like me, dont let me know you like me! Make it seem like you're not interested in me.

I'll get MORE interested in you.

If a guy is like, super obvious that he's interested, it makes me feel so pressurized, like everything i do has to be done cautiously. I'll back off. Immediately. And back away far. Enough to not talk, and not be good friends anymore.

I'll just get scared, i guess.

On the other hand, if you act nonchalant, i'll be interested in you! Wanting to know more about you, and everything.

And when im in deep, and you reveal your feelings, wont everything be perfect? (:

I dont know, but thats just how i feel.

This is just a ranting post anyway. Haha.

Ohwell.

Why am i teaching guys these anyway?!

2011-05-07T23:36:00.000-07:00

I read through my previous posts again.

I didnt know... i had so much thoughts.

So many things happened.

I inspired myself. HAHA.

But sometimes, i contradict myself.

Ah whatever.

Like i said:

"Love me or Hate me, it doesnt matter anymore. Life isnt meant for brooding for unwanted feelings."

三句

2011-04-11T07:26:00.000-07:00

了解我的人，我有三句话要对你们说。

1 - 谢谢。你们对我的包容和谅解。我知道我不容易相处。但请相信，我没有恶意。我不知道要怎么表达我的感谢的心，甚至根本就不会表达出来。总之，非常谢谢，没有离开我。

2 - 抱歉。我或许有伤害过你们，无论有意，或无意。我只想说，如果我真的有意地伤害过你，我也只想阻止未来可能会发生的更深的伤口。对不起。

3 - 拜托。请你们继续和我在一起好吗？

Im okay, dont worry, dont ask.

When you see the crazy girl back once again, you'll know my problems are gone.

❤

2011-03-09T08:30:00.000-08:00

How does it feel like to have an endless supply of money?

It would rock my socks.

Haha.

Unfortunately, i didnt invent Google, Facebook or Microsoft.

So i'll just have to get my money the old-fashioned way:

Working.

So yeah, im trying to get work one way or another.

Better than staying at home and sleep, right?

I guess.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Idk why, but these days, i've been feeling really empty and alone.

Maybe its the holidays getting to me.

But ah, its really lonely sometimes.

I dont wanna seem like the tough strong girl anymore.

Its tiring.

I want to be behind someone's back too.

Ah, but before that, keep on protecting yourself, girl.

Keep on doing that.

2011-02-23T07:36:00.000-08:00

To others, i may seem that i view myself as perfect. Without flaws.

I dont.

Never had i once thought i was perfect. Because im not.

I have many flaws, just like anyone else. Im also human.

Humans, unavoidably, makes mistakes.

Thankfully, i think that i know when i've made a mistake.

I will amend it. Try to make a change for the better.

I dont think im superior to anyone else at all.

I give my views and opinions to whoever who wants it.

I post them here not to imply anything, but only to let people who cares to know of my views.

I may not like many things people does, but those are my opinions, my feelings.

Im not the best, definitely.

There are many people, whom i know, and look up to.

I look towards them for inspiration and motivation.

Im not arrogant. At least, i dont think i am.

If you think i am, well, i cant do anything about that, can i?

When people comes to me for advice, i give them most sincere advice i can give.

Not claiming that what i say is definitely true, or even logical, but i just say what i think can help with the situation at that point of time.

*This post is rather random, but i suddenly thought and remembered of that one tagger who tagged and commented that i always think im right.

2011-02-14T22:42:00.000-08:00

Recently, i thought about Hangeng again.

I thought about celebrities.

The life of a celebrity.

Their feelings, actions.

Many people do not know of their pains and secret tears.

Most do not want to know.

Its hard, for them to admit that the idols they love are in pain.

Idk why, but i want to know. And i already know.

The boys i really love, made me love them more.

But really, sometimes i wonder, why do they hold on?

I mean, its so hard, so difficult.

Letting go would be relatively easier, compared to holding on, struggling.

We cannot judge.

Some people lets go. Some people stays on.

It is their choice. There is no right or wrong in any choice people makes.

People lets go when they cannot bear it any longer. When their heart, mind, soul and body can take pain no longer.

They are not wrong. But they are not right either. It is just a choice. More importantly, is not finding out who's right or who's wrong. Its sticking to the choice you bravely made.

People who hold on are not stupid. People who leaves are not heartless.

They do their things. Things they have a reason for doing.

We cannot judge them. But we, too, have a choice.

A choice to help them, support them, or turn our backs from them.

There are joy, and pains in every job you do.

Insisting on doing it doesnt mean you're indestructible.

Leaving your choice doesnt mean you're a betrayer.

It just means that you know what you want.

2011-02-08T00:21:00.001-08:00

One of my worse nightmares might just come true today:

Losing precious memories of past photos..

2011-01-28T19:35:00.001-08:00

Will blog about something big in my life!

2011-01-17T23:33:00.001-08:00

I HATE JAVA :(

2011-01-16T03:25:00.001-08:00

Time passes so quickly! Im soon to be an Year2 student.
Im 18 this year, already.

In 2 years, im gonna be 20. Starting my life with a 2 at the start of my age.
Im old. Really really old now.

Lol, nowadays, when i act all stupid and joke around, i actually feel a little guilty!
I think to myself

"Im so old already, should i be acting like this?"

Haha, but in the end, i still dont care, i act however i want keke.

Nobody can do anything about it~

Very random.

And about the recent new horoscope sign, Ophiuchus!
Weird, much.

For million and million of years, we've been living as whatever sign we were.
And im sure everyone, at one part of their lives, will go and find out which sign they are, and all the charastics of that sign and what lucky color, day, number or whatnots right!

Suddenly pop out this sign, super weird.
And changed all the dates of the signs as well!
As a result, i changed from a Gemini to a Taurus! :(

I mean, its not that i dislike Tauruses. But i just liked Geminis better!
Now suddenly changed, im not used to it!

But i think they said that this new sign only affects people born after 2009!
But, seriously, i think most people will still be used to the old horoscopes better.

Anyway, im just happy that im still a Gemini! :D

But i think.... you can be any horoscope you want, isnt it?
Cause its your character. If you're a Gemini, you're a Gemini. If you're a Taurus, you're a Taurus.

Okay what am i saying now.

Ah, back to maths! T_T

Fair? Bah.

2011-01-09T19:22:00.000-08:00

How many times have you asked yourself(or others)

"How can this be fair!"

And ended up sulky and mad at the world.

Well, what can i say?

The world IS unfair.

There is no reason why you are skinnier, fatter, taller, shorter, ugly or pretty.
Okay maybe you might say its genes.

But still, it does not concern fairness.
Its pure luck.

If you got naturally good looks, good for you! :)

But if you are not as fortunate, you cant say the world is unfair, can you?

Because the world has never been fair.

To you, to me, to her or to him.

When things arent going the way you want them to, take it in your stride.
Dont compare, dont envy and most of all, dont dwell on it.

Fairness has never existed in this world.

Everyone, is bound to be subjected to some forms of 'unfairness'.
People feel that they are treated unfairly is only because the way they are treated, is not the way they want to be treated.

But sometimes, it could have been the fairest thing to be done in the world.

So? What is fairness?

When you are finally happy?
Things like that do not happen.

Its not being pessimistic, but it just doesnt happen.
A fact of life no one can be happy every second, every moment.

There are ways, though, to lift up your mood.

Magical words?

Lower your expections.

With low expections, comes low disappoinments.

Dont think the world is unfair.
Think that you are fortunate to have what you have now.

Hehe.

2010-12-30T03:36:00.000-08:00

Today is desk cleaning day! :D

I tided my desk and all my stuff! Found lots and lots of accessories all around! Keke.

Since i wasnt done packing yet, and im gonna sort them out later. Along the way, i put them on myself instead!

LIKE THIS!

Hehe.

Three bracelets
One bangle

One ribbon thingy that i just tied on my hand.

Five necklaces(last one unseen)
One SP lanyard.

One anklet(unseen)

HAHA. Went around the house while i was still packing, my family thought i was siao. LOL

But its cool! HAHA.

2011

2010-12-29T09:06:00.000-08:00

HELLO HELLO HELLO!

Say a bigbig HI to the very new me!

2011 is coming so very soon.

Its just 2days more! Oh wait, its over 12am alr, so its just ONE day!

Well, 2010 is ending. It really is, finally.

2010 went by in such a short time, its almost like a burst of hurricane.
Well, in this year, there are many uncertainties, some troubles, and a little unhappiness.
I cant say this year has been peaceful.
But i can definitely say i've had a super alot of awesome times with my friends, classmates and family.

I made new friends, became closer to some, drifted apart with some.
Made wonderful memories with many.
Some memories are hard to recall, but still, its still within me.
One day, i'll look at the memories straight in the face, and say "Hey, its you! I remember you. You made me sad! But its all over now."

But that one day is definitely not now. For now, i have chosen to bury them. Bury them deep within my heart, my soul.
I have chosen to forget them for the time being.

IN THE MEANTIME!

My new goals, which i plan to keep!

Staying happy every single day.
This is a promise i plan to really abide by.
I've been really unhappy over many trival things before.

Today, im telling myself:

What for? You're only making yourself miserable.

LET IT GO LALALALA. :)

SO, i wont be unhappy over anything for that long. :)
At most, 2hours okie.
Super reasonable.

I wanna be friendly, happy and hyper to everyone i see!
Be it my friends, family, people i dont see in a long time!
Many many times, i've missed the right chance of saying a simple 'hi' to someone i know!
Super sad. I really wanted to!
But i missed it, and all that was left was the awkard silence.

Tsk.

ALL THROW AWAY NOW.

BE HAPPY, HYPER, HAPPY-GO-LUCKY!

So, Hello, hello! To the new me in 2011.
Goodluck to me, to you and him and her. :)

*God, it totally feels good saying all of these out.

AHHHHHH.

2010-12-23T04:57:00.000-08:00

My newest little friend!! :D

I love her so so muchhhhh~
Kekeke, Imma gonna bring her wherever i go!

What shall be her name?

I found my old baby doll shoes! But i only found one, hehs.
The other is missing.
If i ever find them, it will be her new shoes! :D
Suits her black frock!

You have no idea how kyute she is! :DD
Cant help but fall in love~

Hangeng.

2010-12-22T06:52:00.000-08:00

Well, its official.

Hangeng is no longer an SM Entertainment artiste.
He's won the lawsuit.
He's leaving.

In a sense.. Im sad. Yet, im happy at the same time!

Im sad of the fact that he wont be standing on the same stage as Super Junior anymore,
Wont be living with the members,
Wont be appearing on the show as an SJ member,
Wont be smiling in a picture with Heechul as much,
Wont be able to control Heechul when he's mad.

The many many things that brought me to like him, and consequently, SuperJunior.
Im not saying i dont like him now, now that he's not a part of SuperJunior anymore.
I still like him alot!

His perfect skin, his flawless smile, his awesome charisma!
AND HIS ABS. HAHHAA.
And his goofy jokes, body gags! Hehe.
Okay enough.

Just i guess, i wont notice him as much as i notice Superjunior. I dont keep up with news from China!
Okay fine i dont usually keep up with news from anywhere at all.
But allkpop does help! :p

What i really dont like is that people who used to like Superjunior's Hankyung, E.L.Fs, are disliking and even to the extent of hating, solo artiste, Hangeng.

I mean, Why?

He's still the same person, isnt it?
He still has that smile, that laugh, that (hehe) body.
What he lost is his unhappiness being in SM Ent.
He was not his happiest in SM Ent, he was unhealthy, even.
But, he's happy now. Isnt that what would matter first?

Isn't that the essence of being a fan of any idol?

Putting their interests and happiness in front of everything.
Thinking of what they would want, instead of what we want.

Yes, i would have liked him to stay with Super Junior.
It would have been nice :)

But, he did what he had to, he did what he wanted.
Im proud that he did.

So, what makes him so different now, than compared to when he was in Super Junior?

Nothing.

Just your personal opinions and thoughts about him.

Have a bigger heart, understand him.
If you cant do that, then maybe you're not fit to be called an E.L.F.

The horror a celebrity has to go through, he doesnt need this from 'fans'.

Ps This is not the official finale. SM Ent is filing an appeal. We'll just have to wait and see!

2010-12-19T07:25:00.000-08:00

The thing about outings for me is......

Im lazy. HAHAHAHA.

Im really really lazy to go out.

Cause going out consists of:

1. Waking early.

In ALL of my holidays, i always wake up with half of my day gone. (Y)
The charm of the bed and sleep, wooooooo.
So, if im meeting people, i'll definitely have to wake early, unless its a dinner appointment.
Which makes me letargic and sad :(

2. Troubled over what to wear.

Every single date, bothers me so much. I wear this, decide its not suitable, take it off, wear another.
Exhausting.
AND time consuming!!!!!!!
Reason for being late, countless times.

3. And, erm, pure laziness. HAHAHA.

So, its er, quite abit hard to get me out of the house.
But when im in the house, i complain of being bored. Ironic much. Lol.

Butbutbut, when i am OUT of the house, I DONT WANNA GO HOME! LOL.

Like, when im finally out, I just want to play and play and play!
The time just flies by~
And by going home, the fun sort of.. stops.
So i'll procrastinate. :p

Reach home late!
And kenna scolded by mama. Lol.

But its a feeling like..... If i go to Pasir Ris for chalet!

I live a Cck, which is like, VERY far from Pasir Ris.
Half of the time is spent on the journey!
So the time left to spend there is very limited, makes me annoyed, and wanna just stay there!
And to go all the way there, just to spend a little time there?
Not worth it.
I'll hesistate against going.

But when im really there already, i'll be really reluctant to return home!

You get what i mean?

Its kinda like a love and hate situation.

I guess.

2010-12-14T00:13:00.000-08:00

---------------------------------------------------

I dont need a lover. I need more family, friends.
What i believe in is everlasting love, between family and friends.
The bond between family is forever lasting, because it was born with us.
I believe in that.
The bond between friends is even more powerful, because we create it.
A friendship is like a plant.
It needs the natural origins like the sun and water, but it also needs humane care in order for it to bloom beautifully.
Otherwise, even if it does bloom, the flower is never that same shade of shiny petals, other that the simple blooming of that flower, no other meaning comes with it.

I have never yet come across a love that moves me as much than these two types of love.
I may experience it in future, i may never.
Whatever the case, im still believing that these two types of love will definitely be a huge part of me and my life.

---------------------------------------------------

I posted this before. But, so true, so true, im posting it again.

I can be your best friend, but your worst lover.
So, dont.

Weddings.

2010-12-13T04:57:00.000-08:00

I love weddings, dont you?

The fact that true love prevails enough to land at this very moment of happiness -

The Wedding.

It feels incredible.
Unbelievable even.

The very thought that love could come so far, together with 2 people.
Hanging on an edge at times, but never fully broken.

A good thing it didnt break.

And then, you walk on.. slowly maybe, thinking carefully throughout.
Then you look up and see, Happiness.

What you were worried about was all redundant.
Then you look at your guy, and he asks

"Will you marry me?"

Lovely.

And the next step would be to prepare for the wedding!

How would you do it?

I want it to be Our Night.

Not just a ritual, or just a ceremony.
I want it to be like a fun night for us and our guests.

What's the point if our relatives and guests just have the dinner and just leave?
Borrrrrring.

I want them to know how much in love we are, how fun our love is.
I want them to know that i am happy now.

I want it to be our memorable night.
Unforgettable, ever.

I want to be able to tell my children, and grandchildren even, how it was on that night.

Wouldnt that be fun?

And that was how my cousin spent his wedding!
I felt their sweetness and i still smile that that moment where they were playing and just having fun.

Hehe, Happy Marriage, dear couzzies Vincent and Louise!

AND MAY ALL COUPLES LAST! :D

2010-12-12T00:25:00.000-08:00

挑拨

你看起来不太开心谁困扰了你
让你的眼神看来有些悲哀
有多严重你和他之间到了不可收拾的局面了吗
我看起来也不太好我当然知道
因为你的表情让我很心疼
你不了解我和你之间
只是爱上了不爱我却又在乎的人

应该挑拨你和他我想这是最好的时机
只是当你哭着说你还爱他不忍离开他
我竟努力扮演你和他之间的和事佬
应该劝你离开他可是我却怎么也做不到
因为当你笑着说我最好了是你知心朋友
我不敢也没勇气告诉你别把我当朋友

想做你的情人想做你的情人 oh....

你看起来不太开心谁困扰了你
让你的眼神看来有些悲哀
有多严重你和他之间到了不可收拾的局面了吗
我看起来也不太好我当然知道
因为你的表情让我很心疼
你不了解我和你之间
只是爱上了不爱我却又在乎他的人

应该挑拨你和他我想这是最好的时机
只是当你哭着说你还爱他不忍离开他
我竟努力扮演你和他之间的和事佬
应该劝你离开他可是我却怎么也做不到
因为当你笑着说我最好了是你知心朋友
我不敢也没勇气告诉你别把我当朋友

huh look here girl
look straight into this heart right here
this is how much i love ya
like the moon never smile without the shinning stars
but but i ain't no peacemaker
wanna be your love,wanna be your lover
so, all around the clock, girl(all around the world)
i'll still be waiting for you, right here

应该挑拨你和他我想这是最好的时机
只是当你哭着说你还爱他不忍离开他
我竟努力扮演你和他之间的和事佬
应该劝你离开他可是我却怎么也做不到
因为当你笑着说我最好了是你知心朋友
我不敢也没勇气告诉你别把我当朋友

你看起来不太开心谁困扰了你
让你的眼神看来有些悲哀
有多严重你和他之间到了不可收拾的局面了吗

2010-12-05T06:11:00.001-08:00

Guess what?

I SURVIVED MY ASSIGNMENTS!

All that's left is a week of exams, and then 3weeks of holidays!

Goodluck to everyone!

Hangon!

2010-11-29T23:46:00.000-08:00

My final artpiece! :)

Feelings.

2010-11-25T17:08:00.000-08:00

Whats the worse feeling you've ever had?

Sadness?

Having your heart broken?

Feeling like nobody cared?

But there's something worse than being sad.

Its feeling guilty.

And its because, feeling guilty is knowing you did something wrong, and admitting it.

It takes courage. A lot of courage.

And its even worse when you know its your fault, and when you want to correct that mistake, theres nothing you can do.

But the fact remains that the cause of the situation is because of you.

And you stand there, helpless and upset.

You search for the solution, but none comes. There is not a single thing you can do to help.

Thats the reason for the tears.

The very only thing you can do, is accept it when people faults you.
After all, it is your mistake.

I dont want to feel guilty, upset and forgotten.

The 2nd worse thing - Being misunderstood.

Ever felt that everyone misunderstood you, taking untruths as truths?
And it really doesnt hurt, if people doesnt believe you.

I wont care about them anyway, think what they want.
But....... it would really hurt when people you really trust and care about doesnt stand on your side.

It wouldnt matter if the whole world misunderstood me.
But i would cry the hardest if people i trust, doesnt trust me back.

2010-11-22T23:29:00.001-08:00

When was the last time you said I love you to your mum and dad?

I saw this video on facebook, about a letter from our parents.
It really made me tear.

It depicts how our parents are pleading with us, not to abandon them, to care for them, to understand and love them, even when they're old.

Like how they did for us when we were young.

I felt really sad.
Would that really happen?
I cant imagine a child not loving their parents.
That is, unless they have shit parents AND you are not a shitty kid.

Even so, they are the ones who gave you life.
The blood that runs in your veins are given to you, by them.
That is one thing you can never deny or change.

I love my parents alot, alot.
They may know it, they may not.
It doesnt change how i feel about them.

For everything and anything, i am grateful and happy that they are beside me.
I wish i could say to them everyday,

"I love you."

But its not that easy.
Saying i love you to your parents is like admitting your mistake and saying sorry
-
Hard.

But im glad i did it once.
Im gonna do it again, for sure.

Thank You, Adam Khoo :D

2010-11-21T06:42:00.001-08:00

My break is coming soon.

Make way, party animal is coming out soon!

My 2cents worth of KOI.

2010-11-19T07:45:00.000-08:00

KOI.

These three small letters has got many people stirred up in Singapore.
& NOOOOO. Its not the fish that swims in the water.

Its a drink!

A bubble tea drink, to be exact.

Koi Cafe offers many types of tea and drinks, like red tea, green tea, etc.
But their most popular and famous drink, would be their MILKTEA.

In fact, to me, Koi has more or less snatched Sweet Talk's business.
Many of my friends who has had Koi before raved about it, saying it was the best, ever.

Personally, i didnt think there was going to be much of an difference.
Its just a drink to me. Haha.

And i kept refusing to try it, because of the ridiculous long queue in each and every time that we went there.
I hate queuing.

But today, for the first time, i tried Koi!
I had the most basic, Milk Tea.
I'm a fan of Sweet Talk's GreenApple Milktea.

And if i were to compare the two, Koi would have won in terms of the pearls.
Its definitely softer and chewier than that of Sweet Talk's.
Koi's milktea was also a little nicer than Sweet Talk's. But not very much of a difference to me.

I guess you can tell that im still not a fan of Koi, huh? Haha!

Reasons being:
1. SUPER LONG QUEUE.
The queue is really ridiculous. Even longer than 4D okay!
Its not worth waiting that long for a cup of bubble tea. Not to me.

2. PRICE.
The price of Koi is almost a dollar more compared to Sweet Talk. (I sound like an auntie, but it really doesnt appeal to me that much.)

Okay fine, i really hated the queue. Hello, super hot day ley!
Where got time to wait 30minutes for one drink.

I'll go for Sweet Talk anyday.
My dear Green Apple Milk Tea.

♥

放羊的星星。

2010-11-18T19:23:00.000-08:00

Im bored, in java.

So i've decided to bloggggg! :)

You must definitely know of the story of the little boy who lied wolf.
That little boy shouted for help so many times, but not once was it real.

And why?

For the fun of it all.

Big mistake.

Because, when the wolf really did come, nobody came to help, thinking it was another prank.

And now, this logic still lies within us.
If we lie, or joke, for the fun of it, slowly, bit by bit, people will lose trust in us.

And when we are speaking the truth (for once),
it becomes hard to trust them.
Doubts will be ineviatable.

And it tears the bond that links each other together.

Dont think its worth it.

Ah, idk what im talking about. Droven to madness by java.
Goodbye!

Sunny.

2010-11-18T04:09:00.000-08:00

Apparrantly, according to my classmates, i look like this sunflower from Plants vs Zombies when i smile. Haha!

Do i?

Freedom.

2010-11-17T06:11:00.000-08:00

I've just realised that im someone that cannot survive without freedom.
I cant be bound down by things, I want to live my life.

I like to be able to do whatever i want.
If i want to walk this way, i want to go there, i want to do this, i want to do that,
I'll need no opinions, no restrictions.

I'll just go ahead and do it.
Thats who i want to be.

Me.

Im not saying i hate my friends around me.
But i really wouldnt mind one bit if i were to be left alone.
Happy even, sometimes.

I have no one i need to be responsible for, i have no one to be responsible for me.
I do, feel, think and go where i want.

This may sound really offending to some, but i meant no harm of any sort at all.
This is just how i know who i am.

I guess this is also why i cant commit to a relationship.
Im afraid of what the result would be.
Im afraid of who i might hurt.

2010-11-14T07:54:00.000-08:00

The reason why i would love a guy:

I'll love him for loving me for me.

Then hey, it'll be a mutual love!

Scary.

2010-11-12T09:50:00.000-08:00

Mental stress vs physical stress.

Im really tired these days. Many things have been going on in my mind, and its really taxing.
Its really tiring, i havent been so out of energy in a while.
I just feel like sleeping all the time, i dont want to think, i dont want to listen.

Even in other times in the past, i havent been as tired.
Even when i was awake for more then 20+ hours, i could still go on.
I was still full of energy.

But now, im defeated by the pure word of 'stress'
I really cant help but keep thinking of everything, and when i find no solution, it makes me head hurt and i just want to switch it off.

This really proves how terrible stress can be.
Well, until the day light turns up.
I SHALL MOVE ON.
After i've had enough sleep. :D

Xl.

2010-11-10T17:13:00.001-08:00

"This is very very bad ah, you dont want listen, dont disturb those that want to listen."

"I think i no need to explain this lah, because i dont think the class wants to listen."

"Yes yes, if people want to listen, i will explain, nevermind, i will explain."

"Must understand ah, but those two dont need, they alr understand."

These are what my lecturer says in every lesson.

Super xialan.

She want to scold, but doesnt want to direct her scoldings at one person.
Then she will keep looking towards the direction.

This annoys me to the max. If you're not afraid to scold, why are you afraid of offending that person directly?

Want to scold, tell us directly. Then at least we will listen, understand and repent.
But when you do this, i dont even want to listen to your crap alr.

Because all those words that she will say are all filled with spikes and meant to hurt.
Why should i listen to something that will only hurt me?

And when you annoy me, all the more i'll go against you.
This is called "Childish Spite"
So what?

But think, think, think again.
If you're right, would i be annoyed?
We are still doing your work. Only, at our own pace.
I know that you're here to help.
But you are not helping by assuming we are bad students that doesnt want to study.
I AM NOT A BAD STUDENT.
I just hate your attitude.

TaylorSwift.

2010-11-09T08:07:00.000-08:00

Taylor Swift - Hey Stephen

Hey Stephen, I know looks can be deceiving
But I know I saw a light in you
And as we walked we were talking
I didn't say half the things I wanted to

Of all the girls tossing rocks at your window
I'll be the one waiting there even when it's cold
Hey Stephen, boy, you might have me believing
I don't always have to be alone

'Cause I can't help it if you look like an angel
Can't help it if I wanna kiss you in the rain so
Come feel this magic I've been feeling since I met you
Can't help it if there's no one else
Mmm, I can't help myself

Hey Stephen, I've been holding back this feeling
So I got some things to say to you
I've seen it all, so I thought
But I never seen nobody shine the way you do

The way you walk, way you talk, way you say my name
It's beautiful, wonderful, don't you ever change
Hey Stephen, why are people always leaving?
I think you and I should stay the same

'Cause I can't help it if you look like an angel
Can't help it if I wanna kiss you in the rain so
Come feel this magic I've been feeling since I met you
Can't help it if there's no one else
Mmm, I can't help myself

They're dimming the street lights, you're perfect for me
Why aren't you here tonight?
I'm waiting alone now, so come on and come out
And pull me near and shine, shine, shine

Hey Stephen, I could give you fifty reasons
Why I should be the one you choose
All those other girls, well, they're beautiful
But would they write a song for you?

I can't help it if you look like an angel
Can't help it if I wanna kiss you in the rain so
Come feel this magic I've been feeling since I met you
Can't help it if there's no one else
Mmm, I can't help myself

If you look like an angel
Can't help it if I wanna kiss you in the rain so
Come feel this magic I've been feeling since I met you
Can't help it if there's no one else
Mmm, I can't help myself

Myself
Can't help myself
I can't help myself

Awesome song.

2010-11-09T06:57:00.000-08:00

I feel so touched today.

One single person believed me, when all else (jokingly) didnt.

She told me sincerely "I believe you." and comforted me so sweetly.

Love much, Yuhbo! :)

Miracle.

2010-11-08T22:13:00.000-08:00

A miracle happened in school today!

When me and my friends were buying instant noodles from fc5 today.......

WE MET SUPER SUPER NICE GUYS! :)

They opened the door for us, when they saw that we had no available hands to open the door!
(We were holding on to our noodles with both hands.)

Point is, they had no intention of entering the shop!
They just wanted to help us, out of pure goodwill!
Nice, max.

The world should be filled with people like them!

And on a sidenote......

THEY ARE SUPER CUTE. Hehe.

Nice, and cute!

We call them;

The Charming Knights.
(by Koey)

Love.

2010-11-08T08:10:00.000-08:00

I came across my friend's tumblr recently.
I could really relate to all of those posts.

In case you didnt know, tumblr is sort of like a blog, but most posts are of pictures, or short phrases, all/most reblogged from other tumblrs.

I now understand why tumblr is such a popular domain.
So much truth, so much relations.

Funny though, how almost all of those posts are of teenagers' relationships.

I saw many of unrequited love, one-sided love, dreams of love, and of friendships too.

What makes me wonder is...
Does all that come true?

Will that one day of your special prince come into your sight, hold you in your arms and tell you "You're beautiful."?
Will that one day come when you feel like you're in heaven?
Will that one day come when that one guy could hug you all the time, and says its because he doesnt want to lose you?
Will that one day come, when you know and trust that everything he does is for your good?
Will that one day come, when you know there's nothing to be afraid of?

Will that one day come, if ever?

I believe it will, if we all believe hard enough. :)

Just let me be lonely.

2010-11-08T06:59:00.000-08:00

还是原来那个我
不过流掉几公升泪所以变瘦
对着镜子我承诺
迟早我会还这张脸一堆笑容

不算什么爱错就爱错
早点认错早一点解脱

我寂寞寂寞就好
这时候谁都别来安慰拥抱
就让我一个人去痛到
受不了想到快疯掉死不了就还好

我寂寞寂寞就好
你真的不用来我回忆里微笑
我就不相信我会笨到
忘不了赖着不放掉
人本来就寂寞的借来的都该还掉

我总会把你戒掉 Oh Wu Oh

还是原来那个你
是我自己做梦你又改变什么
再多的爱也没用
每个人要每个人的孽障因果

会有什么什么都没有
早点看破才看得见以后 OH

我寂寞寂寞就好
这时候谁来都别来安慰拥抱
就让我一个人去痛到
受不了想到快疯掉死不了就还好

我寂寞寂寞就好
你真的不用来我回忆里微笑
我就不相信我会笨到
忘不了赖着不放掉
人本来就寂寞的我总会把你戒掉

2010-11-07T22:49:00.000-08:00

I dont know why, but im sad.
Really sad.

Perhaps its true.
But i cant understand it yet. Just feel like wanting to cry all of a sudden.

Sudden burst of emotions.

Lovely.

2010-11-07T19:01:00.000-08:00

My two favourite photos of lights and reflections :)
Credits, ME :D

For once.

2010-11-07T07:40:00.000-08:00

Im in a happy mood today :)

I shall blog about my life, for once.

I moved my table and bed, once again.
Haha, how many times is that already?

Lost count, but i just like seeing them in new places, its like a fresh feeling, ADVENTUROUS.
Okay, what am i saying? LOL.

Anyway, i feels reaaaaaaally great. I moved my bed, my table, rearranged everything, and threw away lots of unneeded things.

I changed my bedsheet as well, and packed my clothes!
Thats a lot in a half a day.

Super sense of achievement.
Took a bath and felt like sleeping right away. HAHA.

I lied on my super comfy bed, and i dozed off!
Heng my mum woke me up :p

And here i am, studying!

Fine, blogging.
This is a senseless post anyway. Heh.

I LIKE IT.

GOODBYE. :D

Family.

2010-11-06T08:20:00.000-07:00

Today, i saw truth.

Truth that families with broken trust, with suspicious eyes, and spiteful words do exist.

I find it hard to believe that a family could have walked to this step.

In my eyes, a family is forever loving, caring and interlinked to each other.
They understand each other best.

And i believed that this is an unbreakable bond. Harder and stronger than anything else in the world.

But today, i saw none.
All i saw was the eagerness of winning, against what, i have no idea.

I saw no victory.
I only saw more anger and walls.

I am able to understand things now. And i do understand.
Over the years, i collect memories and thoughts.

I have already, like others, come to a conclusion.
A conclusion that actually pains my heart.

This is no family.
We have no love.

But i know that it is true.
Sad, but true.

This family gives me no hope, trust and love.

My only memory was of fights and arguments.

To me, the younger generation, i see no hope of salvaging the situation.
Perhaps it is because i was not close to them from the start. No bond was created.
I dont know if i should regret that the bond never appeared, or i should be glad of that absence.

Perhaps the bond could have saved us. But again, perhaps not.

But still, i see hope in the older generation's eyes.
They hope for a complete family.
They hope for love.

I have no clue how, when or even whether it may happen.

I despair.
But still, i hold on to one strand of hope.
If one day, people changes, there may be joy again.

Innocent people should be spared.
I pity those who come under this situation, because i believe that they dont deserve it.
They are just children.
Poor kids.

-------------------------------------------------------------

On a sidenote;

Little Mint fell asleep in my arms tonight.
She was so sweet.. so fragile.
I was cradling an angel in my arms.
The magical feeling has not disappear yet, i hope it never does. :)

Understanding.

2010-11-05T08:44:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, i get so down and depressed.

Because i dont understand.

I break my head, trying to know why who did what.
To me, its not the act that is most important. Instead, it is what reason they have for the act.

The question is not 'what', instead, it is 'why?'

Why do people do this, why do people do that?

There are so many reasons, logical and reasonable, and some, cannot be understood.
The tens and thousands of possible answers for a single question.

And if you make a small mistake in answering that question, the results may be unthinkable.

And that is the reason of my headache tonight.

I dont understand.

So many people, so many actions.
None i can decipher.
I break my head trying to think, but still i fail.

I have a few possible answers, but i may never get a real answer from the person in question, because i may never ask.

One small mistake, one wrong word. It can break all trust, all bonds.
I dont want to risk my friends, who are all dear to me.

Perhaps, perhaps, things are simpler than what they seem to me.
But i dare not hope.

Hope seems far and barren from this land tonight.

Day 23.

2010-11-03T20:38:00.000-07:00

Day 23- Something you crave for a lot.

This, yes this.
All three of them.
What wouldnt i give to see them sleeping next to me at night.
:(

Day 22.

2010-11-02T07:24:00.000-07:00

Day 22- What makes you different from everyone else.

What makes me different..?
I guess, the first and biggest factor would be my way of thinking.
When most people may be thinking of A, i may be thinking of B.

Many people may think ___ is hot, damn shuai, is eyecandy.
But i prefer cute guys.
I still remember Angela and me would be looking for shuaiges all the time during training. And we did find some! Heh, but we obviously have very different tastes. :p

And i like to experiment different things.
Clothes for example, i would just wear whatever i want. And once the basic style is decided, i'll just throw on a few accessories. I wont really care if im looking weird, or out of fashion.
Anyway, who's looking?

And of course, im a person who's kinda superstitious. I deem my 3star necklace and a hair/headband a daily part of my life. I'll feel damn weird and even get unlucky without these two. Recently, my cousin gave me a stone, to bless me with good relationships. Its included in my list of must haves! :D

And it just occurred to me that there are really facts and thoughts that divides the people in this world.
Once, Kellyn, Sihui and me were playing truth or dare from my itouch.
We were asked this question

"Would you marry your boyfriend?"

While i was still considering and thinking, the both of them immediately answered "Yes."
I was shocked, truly! I thought,

"Wow, you would marry at such a young age?"

But they only answered

"Of course i wont marry someone idk(a stranger), i'll definitely marry my boyfriend!"

Then, i realised, that we had thought differently.
To me, the question was asking of a straight answer, a right-now answer.
But to them, it was a factual question, logical.
There's no right or wrong in this, its just different opinions.
This is a great example to prove of the difference of different people.

And of course, i would think im different, because i have really unpredictable moods.
Sometimes, i just want to be left alone, just for awhile, to think about things, to calm myself. But, it can definitely be when i have nothing to think about, and nothing to be calmed down for.
But, i just want to. :)

And sometimes, i just want to get all crazy and wild and fing happy! For no reason.
Just because i felt like it. Haha.

I guess, thats what makes me different to me.
Any other opinions? Haha.

--------------------------------------------------------------

On a sidenote, i just read though something.
I feel stupid. I feel sad.
But, i guess i'll have to deal with it.

HUMPTY DUMPTY (Y)

2010-11-01T09:43:00.001-07:00

A louder voice doesnt mean you win better, or faster. Or maybe, you dont win at all.

To me, when you shout your arguements, it only proves that your arguments are useless, and you can only try to use your voice to boost it. But to no avail.

Your anger will only prove that what i said made sense. And you're fustrated because you have nothing to rebutt with.
Hence, you resort to underhand methods to be able to win.
But unfortunately, you still dont.

I'll rather have a clear mind, and a logical point to fuck you.
Otherwise, people will only hate you.

You have a sad life.
I want to feel sorry for you, but i dont think you deserve it.

Goodluck.

Day 21.

2010-10-31T21:09:00.000-07:00

Day 21- A picture of something that makes you happy.

These 3 little cuties can make me smile anyday. :)

But what makes me sad is that i cant have them in my arms! :(
I so want them..

But they're so hard to catch!
One day, one day i'll have them! :)

Hmm.

2010-10-30T20:01:00.001-07:00

Just a random question,

Would you rather be in a relationship with someone close to you?
(ie can see everyday, schoolmates or someone who is living near you.)

Or

Would you rather be in a relationship with someone whom you cant see all the time?
But there are definitely times when you can see them, of course.

Okay i know most people will definitely say depends on my feelings.
If i like him, nothing else matters.

There are pros and cons to both, i feel.

Ahhhhh, but this was seriously just random.
Best wishes to all couples! :D

(I am not in a relationship, its just a question.)

2010-10-27T06:38:00.000-07:00

It seriously doesnt pay to be greedy :(

2010-10-26T08:07:00.001-07:00

I'll wait for forgiveness, because when you're someone who's in the wrong, you have no right to ask for forgiveness. Only the other party can decide when to forgive you.

A mask before the truth.

2010-10-26T07:16:00.000-07:00

When you look at a girl, always loud, happy, decisive and independent, what do you think of her?
Would you think that she is a girl who can forever handle everything?

Well, to some girls, they are definitely strong both in and out.
But most, are not.

What you can see on the outside may not be what is inside.
A girl can show herself as being strong as steel, with nobody being able to hurt her.
But truth is, she has been hurt far too much, far too long to be able to withstand any other hurt again.

The act of being strong is only her method of protecting herself, her inner, weak and selfless self.
When she smiles on the outside, she may very well be crying on the inside.

Dont think that she is strong, she can handle anything and everything.
She just cant.

But, i guess, thats human nature.
When they see two people of varying personalities, they tend to compare them.
The unfortunate one will be the one that is deemed to be stronger.
Help will come much slower.

I put on strong fronts, because i know i want to hide things.
I dont want people to know how fragile i am, how easily i can cry.
But i know, thats gonna kill me one day.

Let the day come, then i shall decide what i must do.

Day20.

2010-10-26T07:05:00.000-07:00

Day 20- Someone you see yourself marrying/being with in the future.

Someone who loves me for me.

Shortest answer ever. Haha.

I never wanted to change any part of me.
And i never would.
So, that guy must be someone who loves me.
For being me.

Someone who comforts me when im down,
doesnt mind all my hopeless comments,
loves the fact that i love to sleep,
doesnt mind my foolishness,
understands that i need space,
accepts my indecisiveness,
and just thinks im cute.

When?

Oneday.

2010-10-26T06:53:00.000-07:00

I keep talking about having faith, being optimistic all the time.

But i realised...

One person cant make it happen.
People are still sad all over the world, people still loses hope.

Worse thing is, when you know that there are too many uncontrollable situations that we are just unable to be that happy and cheerful about.
Sometimes, we just break down.
And yes, thats okay.

But what makes me sad is....
I really just want all my friends to be happy and no worries or anything.
I'll really hate it if my two friends hates each other.
I get so upset when they dont talk..
The atmosphere is so weird, and i just dont know what to do or say.

And what just kills me is when they refuses to say whats wrong.
I want to be able to help, to even, at least, share their pain.

Dont put up a strong front.
Really.

I guess this is just one of my weird days which i get so random. I have no idea.
But these are all heart-felt.

2010-10-25T08:31:00.001-07:00

Sometimes, it would be good to not bother about everyone else.
Just once in a while, no need to put others' feelings before ours.
It would be so much easier, so much more comfortable.
The thing that sucks the most is when you really did put in effort, but still, they are not even, at least, recognized.

And i still dont think its my fault.
This is me okay, if im not at fault, i will never bow down.
Like it or hate it, it is still logical.

Day19.

2010-10-24T08:06:00.000-07:00

Day 19- Nicknames you have; why do you have them.

Xiaomei:
Easy. My entire family calls me xiaomei, which means little sister.
Cause im the youngest in my family! Haha.
Since young, i've gotten so used to this nick, its kinda of like my second name. :)

Siu/Ahsiu:
Many of my friends call me this sometimes, when they're lazy to call my full name.
Origin: Kellynho

Sumin:
My maths teacher, Mdm Ng, misprounced my name over and over again.
And i got lazy to correct her. And hey, a new name! Haha!
Koofang, Lilian and Yijie likes to disturb me with this. RIGHT. :p
Origin: Mdm Ng

Siuming:
Koofang gu yi add a g at the back because she wants to disturb me about Weiming.
Tsk. Haha.
Origin: Koofang

Honey:
Our special names for each other. Hehe.
Origin:Koofang

Greeny:
Cause i like Green! And my recent usernames were Greenylove.
And since most people didnt know me personally, ie, my name, they called me Greeny!
I kinda like the sound of Greeny!
Call me Miss Greeny. HAHA.

Xiaomin/Jiaobin:
Okay i totallllllllly dw to add this in, but still....!
We were saying we should all call our classmates Xiao(something) and i became Xiaomin.
Justin was calling me that one day. And others heard it as Jiaobin.
And Voila! I became jiaobin. wtf -.-
Till this day, they call me like that okay!
Origin:My classmates.

Icequeen1B24:
Haha. Joke. I like to wear tanktops/sleeveless to class. And most of the time, i can handle an hour or two of lessons in aircon, WITHOUT a jacket. (Forgot to bring)
And Justin called me like this one day, when it was raining.
And only he called me this. Haha.
Origin:Justin

Minmin:
He just suddenly called me like this when im writing this post! Haha. Another addition! :D
Origin: Shujun.Chew

Someday.

2010-10-24T02:22:00.001-07:00

Someday, i want to celebrate my birthday with ALL of my friends together in one place;
Playing, laughing, talking, all together.
I want to hug them all and say,

"Thanks, for being my friend."

Hey, isnt this one of my dreams too?
Gosh, im only 17, but im planning for something in maybe 4years time. Haha.

保持微笑

2010-10-23T07:35:00.000-07:00

又一個朋友被傷了心
她哽咽著問我哪裡　才有愛情
心疼的把她摟在懷裡
說不哭不哭我卻先紅了眼睛

失戀在這城市裡到處橫行
天使又一再失約從來沒降臨

讓我們保持微笑
給寂寞的人　一些依靠
我們要保持微笑
給孤單的人一種心情的擁抱

又一個朋友計劃遠行
他剪短了頭髮說要　遺忘過去
聽著他故作灑脫語氣
我知道他去的地方叫做逃避

失戀在這城市裡到處橫行
天使又一再失約從來沒降臨

讓我們保持微笑
給寂寞的人　一些依靠
我們要保持微笑
給孤單的人　一種心情的擁抱

讓我們保持微笑
給寂寞的人　一些依靠
我們要保持微笑
給孤單的人　一種心情的擁抱

Belief.

2010-10-21T08:22:00.000-07:00

As i watched the beautiful balloons fly higher and higher into the dark sky, i felt really really happy.
Like all of my dreams will definitely come true.
It was an amazing sight, never to forget.
Maybe thats the most important reason why i love balloons.

Why....not?

2010-10-20T19:22:00.001-07:00

Unsolved misunderstandings are misunderstandings that will haunt you for life.

Imagine a situation.
You dk why, but suddenly you dont talk to a person anymore.
Although the was not like that in the past, of course.

You dont know why.
But you definitely didnt do anything wrong.
But you'll keep thinking and thinking,

Why?

And everyone knows that thinking and thinking all the time will lead you to think the wrong things.
Which is also called "越想越麻烦."
Or "It gets more and more complicated when you think too much."

Which is also why people always say "DONT THINK SO MUCH."
Because, its of no use!

And after you keep thinking and thinking, your emotions changes. Instead of confusion, it turns to anger and feelings of betrayal.

WRONG.

1. No asking for an explaination, just thoughts which you most probably answered yourself.

2. Those emotions are created by yourself, to hurt yourself.

3. You will only be like an enraged bull, not knowing whats going on, just charging around blindly and hurting yourself, and maybe others.

Instead of thinking, which only happens inside your brain, why not use that energy to DO something to help the situation at hand.

Like..................

approaching that person and asking everything?

At least, you'll know the truth.
Even if they say "I just didnt want to talk to you."

At least, you wont be guessing. You'll be knowing.

What if that person had a reason?
What if it was just a stupid misunderstanding?

You'll be losing a precious friend.
You'll be regretting it for life.

I'll rather sort out the misunderstandings.
Rather than being unsure of the whole situation.
I want to be able to know, in the future, that that decision of sorting things out was the best decision ever.

Day 18.

2010-10-20T03:27:00.001-07:00

Day 18- Plans/dreams/goals you have.

1. Independence.
I hope to be able to be independent.
I want to be able to take care of myself well enough, so i dont have to add on to my parents' burdens.
Which is why i need a job! Haha.

2. Health.
I want to start to take good good care of my health.
If you know me, you probably know that my body has always been weak.
I need to be able to take care of myself.
Health supplements, vitamins for me soon! :)
What i am on the outside doesnt mean that is what i am on the inside.
Well, as they always say
"Without health, you're nothing!"

3. Bike
I WANT TO GET A BIKE LICENCE.
A big dream, with little hope of achieving it. Haha.

4. Stick to what i chose.
I want to be able to perserve on in whatever im doing.
I dont wanna give up easily.
I'll just keep moving on and on.

Just hoping things works out.

Day 17.

2010-10-17T07:15:00.000-07:00

Day 17- Someone you would want to switch lives with for one day and why.

I thought hard about this one.
Really.

Possible candidates:

Some gorgeous famous celebrity.
(Eg, Emma Waston, Megan Fox, Anne Hathaway, Milla Jovovich)

My SuperJunior lovelys.
Or someone around them, eg, manager, cordi.

I even thought of switching with my parents! HAHA.

But after thinking about each possible candidate, i striked them out.
At the end, there was no one for me to switch lives with!

I wanted to be a gorgeous famous celebritry at first.
The thought of being famous and really confident of my looks, added with all the things i could always never get, woah, it was really enticing.

But then again, i realised a lot of things.

I realised that for them to be able to stand where they were, it really took a lot of effort and hard work.

I asked myself
"Are you able to do that?"

I answered, "No."

I have no confidence in being able to upload what they were able to upload, and do what they were able to do.

They were in that position because they deserved it.
And i dont think im able to do all that.

I also thought of another thing.
What if i wasnt doing a good enough job?
What if i ruin their reputition that was built after so many years?
I'll rather not.

Then, i thought of being with my Sj for one full day!
Being close to them, around them, or even, BEING them!

Then i realised that they have so many schedules, and there is so much i dont understand!

Being in a foreign country, all by myself, and no one to count on.
I might even just die right there.

And so........ strike!
(Anyway i'll see them as myself one day. Hehe.)

And perhaps the most reasonable one of all;
Switching with my parents.

Well, as everyone always says, put yourself in their shoes.
And i wanted my parents to be me for a day.
I wanted them to know what it was like to be me.
With my feelings, thoughts and emotions!

Perhaps they would understand more.
And they would also understand that im really safe ourside with my dear friends!
And my friends are definitely good and awesome people! Hehe.

Wouldnt that be fun? :D

2010-10-15T09:43:00.000-07:00

When your whole world cumbled down for a moment.
In that few moments, it would hurt like a lifetime.

Talk.

2010-10-13T08:52:00.000-07:00

Freedom of speech is such an important part of life.

Imagine a life where you are not able to speak out your thoughts, feelings and opinions.
To be confined in a life where you will forever be a meek lamb, never once a shepherd.

Im not saying we should always and everytime, take the lead.
What i mean is, if you have a different opinion, there is no need to conceal it.
You are able, and is entitled to letting people know.
Whether they accept it or not, thats a different thing.

This is so much more important to women, who are deemed to be weak and helpless.
Make a stand for yourself.

You dont always have to follow others.
You dont always have to listen to them
You can have your own opinions.
You can lead your own path.

When you are in control of YOURSELF, thats when you are no longer a follower.
You have your own opinions now.
You know what you want.
Not what others want.

Just lead your life.
Being happy, being blissful in your own simple ways.

Of course, people can have the same opinions once in a while.
But oh well, thats another story. :)

Day 16.

2010-10-12T07:35:00.000-07:00

Day 16- Another picture of yourself.

Geeky Spects! :D

2010-10-11T07:49:00.000-07:00

I may belong to everyone else.
But at the end of the day,
I belong to me.

A Chance.

2010-10-11T04:43:00.000-07:00

What kind of a person are you?

There are many kinds of people in the world.
These two are on my train of thought tonight.

Will i be the one that chooses the adventurous, yet dangerous path?

Or the one that chooses the safer and steady path?

But whatever we choose, its hard to anticipate what lies behind those paths.
All we can take is a chance.

Its like rowing a boat on a river, and suddenly seeing two paths in front of you.
One is the smooth, peaceful course.
The other is narrow and filled with debris.

In that short moment, which would you choose?

I really have no idea.
I want to be adventurous, but yet, i dont want to lose the assurance of safety.

I guess its just all about weighing the options.
Weighing which is more important to you.

If i really had to choose, i'll choose the path that allows me to experience things,
things i wont have a chance of knowing.

We all only have one life, one chance.
I want to know, what will happen if i take this path.
As long as i keep rowing, carefully and no matter how slow, i'll get there someday.

And i will rejoice, cause this is what i worked for, what i chose.
Believing in yourself is the first step towards whatever you dream of.

And so i believe.
What is your choice?

Day 15.

2010-10-11T01:50:00.000-07:00

Day 15- Put your iPod on shuffle: First 10 songs that play.

绿光 - 孙燕姿

不朝不用花钱 - 林俊杰

Jojo - Shinee

Again & Again - 2PM

101 - 梁静如

Kidnap My Heart - The Click Five

Hurricane Venus - BoA

手心 - 卓文宣

Love Like This - SS501

Lollipop - Mika

Day 14.

2010-10-10T11:15:00.000-07:00

Day 14- A picture of you and your family.

Thats my lovely happy little family!

Joke.

2010-10-10T06:22:00.000-07:00

Minnie Mouse Disneyland wedding hairband.

I saw this hairband at my niece's room.
And without thinking, i put it on. HAHA.

And i asked everyone who entered the room

我可爱吗？

Joke. HAHA.

My little niece was really sweet!

She said with a really beautiful smile, 可爱!

BIG WIDE GRIN.
Thanks dearest! :D

OH YES,

Happy Birthday Uncle! Hehe.
Special ley, 10/10/10!
Best wishes :>

Memories.

2010-10-08T23:14:00.000-07:00

Just came across an old classmate's blog.

I understood those words.

That one incident changed the lives of 4 people, maybe 5.
Forever.

Fate?
Destiny?

I guess so.
Never in my wildest dreams have i ever thought that.

But still, its been a long time. I dont blame, i dont get sad, i just..

remember.

This will forever be etched in my heart, definitely.
This will be in my heart as 'Part of My Life.'

You know, try to understand more about people.
That strong girl that you see all the time may not be as strong as you thought.
She would also break down sometimes.
A little bit of care for everyone else around you would really just take a little bit of you.

Considering what they may have done for you, that shouldnt be difficult to do!

Day 13.

2010-10-08T06:51:00.000-07:00

Day 13- A letter to someone who has hurt you recently.

Dear you,

If you think you are the one supposed to be here,
just know that you really did hurt me and i really hate you.
And let me tell you this:

You may be able to bring me down,
but i will most definitely pull myself up.
With a few friendly helping hands, sometimes.

No one's gonna be worth letting myself be that depressed that long.

Goodbye!

Day 12.

2010-10-07T08:21:00.000-07:00

Day 12- How you found out about Tumblr and why you made one.

Well, what could i say? It was the trend! Haha.
I still remember the very first days when i first started a blog, all i talked about was my day.
What happened, the full course of the day.
Worse, i talked in twit. LOL.

It well, er, was lame to me. HAHA.
I mean, who would want to read a random person's blog about their day?
Other than my friends, that is.

And, soon after, i went emo and all my posts were all sad, depressing and unbearable.
While the good thing was i got rid of the twit. (Y)
But, i really hated seeing my blog like that.
I revamped it, made it happy and more acceptable.
I didnt want anyone who passed by to feel upset either! :)

And slowly, i kinda lost interest in blogging. Nothing much to talk about anyway.
And now, it has changed into THIS!
A post whenever i feel like it.

On whatever topic, whatever i want to say.
It may be inspiring, it may be life stories, it may be rants.
Whatever.

Its my life anyway. :>

Day 11.

2010-10-07T08:17:00.000-07:00

Day 11- Another picture of you and your friends.

How about one of me and my sister now? :)

Day 10.

2010-10-05T23:52:00.000-07:00

Day 10- Songs you listen to when you are Happy, Sad, Bored, Hyped, Mad.

This is going to be hard. I know it.
Anyway, i'll try!

Happy.
1. No Other - Superjunior
2. Hello - Shinee
3. Starbucks Girl - Evan Taubenfeld
4. Top of the World - Boys Like Girls
5. We Fell In Love - Jokwon/Gain
6. The Day Of My Confession - Jokwon
7. Tic! Toc! - Superjunior
8. 稻香 - 周杰倫
9. 阳光宅男 - 周杰倫
10. Replay - Shinee
11. WOWOWOW - Shinee
12. Balloons - DBSK
13. 加油 - 林俊杰
14. Happiness - Superjunior

Sad.
1. Because You Love Me - Celine Dion
2. Always Be My Baby - David Cook
3. Magic Castle - DBSK
4. Dont Forget - Demi Lovato
5. This is Me (Acoustic Ver.) - Demi Lovato
6. 亲人 - 丁当
7. 冲动 - 萧雅萱
8. So Close - Jon McLaughlin
9. The Best Years of Our Lives - Evan Taubenfeld
10. Dont Love - FT Island
11. Only Human - K
12. 第几个一百天 - 林俊杰
13. My Destiny - Katherina McPhee
14. Hero - Mariah Carey
15. 匿名的好友 - 杨晨琳
16. March 9 - Remioromen
17. 我們怎麼了 - S.H.E
18. 天灰 - S.H.E
19. Romantic - Shinee
20. Perhaps Love - Soo-Yeon Jeon
21. She's Gone - Superjunior
22. So I - Superjunior
23. 7 Years of Love - Kyuhyun
24. It Has to Be You - Yesung
25. 到了明天 - Superjunior M
26. 至少還有你 - Superjunior M
27. Look Only At Me - Taeyang
28. You're Not Sorry - Taylor Swift
29. Can I Have This Dance - Vanessa Hudgens/Zac Efron
30. Friend - Wonder Girls
31. 手心 - 卓文萱
32. 北极星的眼泪 - 張棟樑
33. 同手同脚 - 星光帮
34. 挑拨 - 5566
35. 傻瓜 - 温澜
36. 祝我生日快乐 - 温澜
37. 同一个遗憾 - 潘玮柏

Bored.
Anything goes!

Hyped/Mad.
1. Losing Grip - Avril Lavigne
2. Hurricane Venus - BoA
3. Down - Jay Sean Ft. Lil Wayne
4. Ring Ding Dong - Shinee
5. Time to Love - T-ara/Super Nova
6. Lupin - Kara

I guess i like somber songs more.

心跳

2010-10-05T12:06:00.000-07:00

想跟我吵架我没那麽无聊
不懂得道歉我没那麽聪明
好想要回到我们的原点

你又在哭泣我给不了安慰
我又在摇头有那麽点後悔
爱情的发展已难以回头却无法往前走

但身不由己出现在胸口两颗心能塞几个问号
爱让我们流多少眼泪

你的眼神充满美丽带走我的心跳
你的温柔如此靠近带走我的心跳
逆转时光到一开始能不能给一秒

等着哪一天你也想起
那悬在记忆中的美好

------

Addiction.

Day 9.

2010-10-03T10:43:00.000-07:00

Day 09- Something you’re proud of in the past few days.

I finally got down to calling lenovo and getting my fan fixed! :D

Well, i actually did call and make a register a file at lenovo's. The technician called me the next day, saying that there was no stock for the parts needed, and said earliest would be the following week!

So i waited.

For a week and a half.

My mum and dad urged me to call them a second time and inquire about it.

So i did.

Then i found out that the ID code i copied was wrong -.-
I must be deaf. LOL.

Anyway, they got the right code for me, and said they will contact the technician.

Next few days, suddenly the technician called me!
While i was sleeping. LOL

Heng i have the habit of putting my phone underneath my pillow.
Missed the first call, kenna woken up by the second.

He went 'Hi is this Miss Ang?'
'Yep.'
'Oh can i come over now?'
'HUH RIGHT NOW?'
'Yeah in like 30mins time? Is that convinent?'
'Oh er yeah allright.'
'Okay thanks bye!'

Wtf 30 minnnnns.

Chiong up, didnt really care whether i looked like a monster or not. HAHA.

Then he called me again, told me he's at my doorstep.
Opened the door, let him in.

He checked the comp, heard the sound and got a shock LOL.
Then he got to work alr. He totally took apart my lappy sia.

Right down to the wires and motherboard.
Then the problem was found. There was nothing wrong with the fan!
It was the wire that was out of place and caused the fan to make the noise.

But, he changed the fan to a brand new one for me anyways, since he was alr there. HAHA (Y)
He worked damn fast. Screw screw screw and done. LOL.

Mai siao siao, my technician use IPhone okay. HAHHAHA.

Then he left in a hurry after that. I think he was scared of me. LOL.

Cause....

I tried to take a picture of the torn apart lappy, and got caught -.-

Wlao damn embarrassing. I tired to take it from the back, even switched to silent mode!
Then.

Wait for it........

I stupidly forgot to off flash. FML man.

He got a shock of his life. AHAHHAHA.
But he was nice. He pretended not to notice.

But still, so obvious can -.-

Now he's gonna think im some sort of a stalker.
BUT ALL I WANTED TO TAKE WAS THE PARTS!!!!!

Now im never gonna see my lappy getting surgery.

Unless.........

Hehe.